February 2012
9 posts
Todays intake: 4.747 calories
F**k..
I’ve never been on a real date.. I’ve had boyfriends, but never been on a real - butterflies in the stomach/dinner & a movie - romantic date.. I’m 24..
January 2012
96 posts
I’ve been taking pictures of my body all the way back from when I first decided to lose weight 1.5 year ago.. When I look at the most recent pictures I can’t believe my own eyes.. I really have a hard time realising that, that body belongs to me.. In my mind I’m still the obese girl that always has to shop in the big girls section, rest my legs a couple of times during a normal...
Watching tv while comparing people - Who weighs the most? Who needs to lose some weight?
And whenever food appears - How many calories are there in that?
Didn’t go to the birthday party like I was supposed to.. Got 5 missed calls, 1 voice mail and 1 text.. I just couldn’t.. Been crying on the phone with my mom today.. Need to get my shit together, be more positive and get some help.. Sry about all the dark posts..
Just got my lunch break at work but I don’t really feel like eating.. When I’m feeling down I always lose my hunger - And right now I’m feeling really sad, tired and cold.. I think I’m just gonna read my book and make a nice warm cup of tea..
I feel alone and in a dark place..
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not be around.. I would never do anything stupid, I know it would kill my family.. But sometimes I just dream about being in peace.. Being somewhere else.. Where there is no demands and I can just mind my own business..
Thinking about calling my doctor and making an appointment on my next day off.. Thinking I might be suffering from anxiety attacks.. Been up all night, crying and reading about anxiety on the web.. I can recognise most of the symptoms.. Going to work in 4 hours and the to a birthday party.. Gotta put on my best pokerface and smile.. (feeling like shit.. )
Weight today: 80.7 kg
Lowest weight ever: 80.5 kg
Goal for summer: 60 kg
I hope to be able to reach my lowest weight again tomorrow after losing/gaining the same 2-3 kgs for the last 2 months.. Fingers crossed! ;)
Had to go to the supermarket today and buy a new toothbrush.. The old one had turned yellow from stomach acid..
Went to the library and spend an hour looking for books on eating disorders.. Returned home with 10 new books - like a kid in a candy store..
callmefatbones-deactivated20120 asked: Eating healthy and working hard? I've tried and that does not work for me :( so i jsut decided to starve until i reach my perfect body. What do you eat?
